campy's porn shack

For any of my friends who are wondering if I'm OK, I'm popping by briefly to say yes, I'm physically well (I've even resumed my weight training workouts) and am busy with work, BUT I've been battling STUPID EFFING MALWARE on the Windows laptop I use for one of my clients. Serves me right for surfing Stargate stuff when I should've been finishing up the minutes to a board meeting.

OMG, I cannot WAIT until I get a Macbook so I don't have to deal with this crap anymore.

So I have a neglected FList and a stack of email to catch up with, all thanks to a lovely virus called "Internet Security 2010" that installed itself and popped up a raft of the most annoying nag screens ever, and which took 2 patches and another computer to remove the virus.

I'll be back on LJ as soon as I can (after I catch up on my RL busy-ness), so please don't feel like I'm ignoring you. (Especially  hummingfly67 , dvfan , and misshapenmuse , who all got interrupted mid-correspondence.)

( Lovely warning screen courtesy of Google Chrome: )

I feel so stupid. I've read the wikis, but I still have questions about how Stargates work. Granted, I've only seen Seasons 1 & 9, plus some of Season 10, and a few random eps in between plus all the movies. So maybe I'm missing something?

Re: Season 1, the episode "Solitudes" where Sam & Jack are separated from Daniel & Teal'c as they pass through the 'Gate back to the SGC...

There's a Stargate in Antarctica, and it has symbols on one side, and is, I assume, blank on its other side. (I saw the back side of a 'Gate in the episode "Tin Man", and it looked symbol-less to me.)
Click to enlarge

Because the kawoosh forms on the side where the symbols are, and travelers can only enter and exit a 'Gate on the side that has the symbols, right?

But... there are circular kawoosh punch-outs in the ice cave BEHIND the Antarctic 'Gate; that is, it looks like a kawoosh punched out the ice on the side of the 'Gate that has no symbols.
Click to enlarge

WTF?

Did the folk (Atlanteans?) who placed the 'Gate in Antarctica have it facing the other way at one point?

I dunno why I'm so stoked that a site that accepts self-submissions makes me excited that I'm archived on it, but finally:

"We have accepted the story you submitted to All Daniel Fic. Thank you!"

Yay! Two of my drabbles had been rejected, so having "Bookends, or Six Ways 'Til Sunday" archived at AllDanielFic makes my day. :-)

campylobacter's 2009 Fanfiction Review

in chronological order:

1. Stargate SG1: "Celebration in Order" (1/1)
RATING: R / Mature
PAIRINGS: Daniel/Vala & various gratuitous threesomes
PREMISE: "Memento Mori" tag: how SG-1 celebrates Vala's official membership.
WORD COUNT: 577

2. Stargate SG-1: "Pari-Mutuel" (1/1)
RATING: PG / Older Kids
CHARACTERS: Daniel Jackson, Vala Mal Doran
PREMISE: A noromo drabble explaining why Vala won't be in the 3rd Stargate movie.
WORD COUNT: 100

3. Stargate SG-1: "Golden Anniversary" (1/1)
RATING: PG-13 / Teen
PAIRING: Ba'al/Qetesh/Vala
PREMISE: Missing scene from Continuum, before Ba'al & Qetesh enter the throne room.
WORD COUNT: 100

4. Stargate SG-1: "Halloween at Cam's" (1/1)
RATING: PG / Teen
PAIRING: Daniel/Vala vaguely
PREMISE: Drabble where I dress SG-1 in fangrrl squee.
WORD COUNT: 100

5. Stargate SG-1: "Bookends, or Six Ways 'Til Sunday" (10 Chapters)
RATING: NC-17/Adult to PG-13/Teen, depending on the chapter
PAIRING: Daniel/Vala
PREMISE: The one where Vala crashes Daniel's apartment and they have a lot of sex. A lot.
WORD COUNT: 13,182

6. Stargate SG-1: "Nuts" (2 Chapters)
RATING: NC-17/Adult
PAIRING: Daniel/Vala
PREMISE: Vala accidentally tattoos herself with Daniel's name. [1st Draft posted at dv_exchange ; will be expanded & revised in 2010]
WORD COUNT: 6828

( 17 fanfic questions with answers that get progressively more boring... )

AUTHOR: campylobacter
CHARACTERS: Vala Mal Doran, Carolyn Lam, Cameron Mitchell, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, Hank Landry, Samantha Carter
RATING: PG / Older kids
DATE: started Monday 2 November 2009
STATUS: complete
SEASON/SPOILERS: 10x08 Memento Mori missing scenes (references 2x03 Prisoners, 3x11 Past and Present, 9x11 The Fourth Horseman Part 2, 10x18 Family Ties)
ARCHIVE: permission granted; drop me a URL if you archive it so I can pimp it on my blog

GENRE: missing scenes
WARNING: none (although you can wear slash or 'ship goggles and see some fun stuff)
SERIES: Stand-alone companion piece to Celebration in Order (which is porny) -- this fic isn't. :-(
WORD COUNT: 1115
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and X-Files characters belong to whoever currently owns the copyrights.

NOTES: Written for sg_fignewton 's Vala Alphabet Soup SG-1 Gen Fic Day. Scene 1 kindly beta-read by hummingfly67 . Captain Planet and Linea/Ke'ra references inspired by conversations with magnavox_23 .

SUMMARY/SYNOPSIS/PREMISE:
Scene 1: Vala discusses her fitness for active duty with Dr. Lam.
Scene 2: Vala celebrates her SG-1 membership over barbecued ribs.

Also includes Picspam (at bottom of entry) of actors in both their roles in The X-Files & Stargate SG-1

( Read the story... )

C'mon, people. I know you've done it, too.

In seventh grade, you were assigned to read some "literature" for which it was difficult to identify with the characters, so you inserted James Bond or Princess Leia or Agent Mulder or Samantha Carter into the cast AND THEN the work came alive.

(In retrospect, I should've done that for Joseph Conrad's THE HEART OF DARKNESS, because we hates it, Preciouss.)

I've also taken to crackifying movies and TV shows.

Most recently:

"District 9"
Wikus Van Der Merwe = Rodney McKay ("It's the swietie man!" LOL!)
Christopher Johnson = Samantha Carter
Christopher Johnson's son = babified!Daniel
Koobus = Ba'al

"Logan's Run" (I rented the DVD because it'd been decades since I've seen it. Wow! Nudity!)
Logan 5 = tried Vala Mal Doran, but kept seeing Aeryn Sun (you know, Sandman = Peacekeeper)
Jessica = Daniel Jackson (because Jessica was too passive and I needed to imagine someone smarter and more action-y) but had to keep switching to John Crichton when Logan got very Aeryn
Francis = Teal'c (only I pretended he had a happy ending)
Carousel = Ori altar
Old Man = Jack O'Neill from "Brief Candle"

What's your crack?

Stolen from myeverlovinmind  

How do your reading habits stack up? [bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish]

The BBC allegedly believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here:

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen [and Pride & Prejudice & Zombies!!!]
( Read more if you're into literature memes... )

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

TITLE: "Bookends, or Six Ways 'Til Sunday"
AUTHOR: campylobacter
CATEGORY/PAIRING: Daniel/Vala
RATING: NC-17/Adult to PG-13/Teen, depending on the chapter
STATUS: complete
SEASON/SPOILERS: post-Continuum
ARCHIVE: Permission granted; drop me a URL if, for some reason, you aren't afraid to archive it -- I'll link to it from my blog.
GENRE: humor; romance: het, first time
WARNING: Implied bisexuality; language: f-bombs, the c-word... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Don't act like you're hurt and wank at me.
SERIES: none
WORD COUNT: 13,182

DISCLAIMER: Stargate: SG-1 characters belong to MGM; any others are fictitious scenery and resemble your mom.

SUMMARY/SYNOPSIS/PREMISE: After an unexpected guest drops by, Daniel's apartment is never the same again. (The Home Crasher Trope meets archaeo-linguistics and pirate-goddess sexual mayhem, in that point of character development after Continuum.) Only enough plot to sustain the slap-slap-kiss porn.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1/10: The Front Door Rattles (PG-13/Teen) [1137 words]
Chapter 2/10: You're Trashing My Place (PG-13/Teen) [1181 words]
Chapter 3/10: A Point of Resistance (NC-17/Adult) [1109 words]
Chapter 4/10: Two Doorposts Beneath a Lintel (R/Mature) [1220 words]
Chapter 5/10: How She Wears My Name (NC-17/Adult) [1358 words]
Chapter 6/10: The Precarious Bed (NC-17/Adult) [1496 words]
Chapter 7/10: Something Simple (NC-17/Adult) [1149 words]
Chapter 8/10: Choke and Throttle (PG-13/Teen) [1189 words]

( Chapter 9/10: Dining on the Spoils (PG-13/Teen) [1306 words] )

TITLE: "Bookends, or Six Ways 'Til Sunday"
AUTHOR: campylobacter
CATEGORY/PAIRING: Daniel/Vala
RATING: NC-17/Adult to PG-13/Teen, depending on the chapter
STATUS: complete
SEASON/SPOILERS: post-Continuum
ARCHIVE: Permission granted; drop me a URL if, for some reason, you aren't afraid to archive it -- I'll link to it from my blog.
GENRE: humor; romance: het, first time
WARNING: Implied bisexuality; language: f-bombs, the c-word... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Don't act like you're hurt and wank at me.
SERIES: none
WORD COUNT: 13,182

DISCLAIMER: Stargate: SG-1 characters belong to MGM; any others are fictitious scenery and resemble your mom.

SUMMARY/SYNOPSIS/PREMISE: After an unexpected guest drops by, Daniel's apartment is never the same again. (The Home Crasher Trope meets archaeo-linguistics and pirate-goddess sexual mayhem, in that point of character development after Continuum.) Only enough plot to sustain the slap-slap-kiss porn.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1/10: The Front Door Rattles (PG-13/Teen) [1137 words]
Chapter 2/10: You're Trashing My Place (PG-13/Teen) [1181 words]
Chapter 3/10: A Point of Resistance (NC-17/Adult) [1109 words]
Chapter 4/10: Two Doorposts Beneath a Lintel (R/Mature) [1220 words]
Chapter 5/10: How She Wears My Name (NC-17/Adult) [1358 words]
Chapter 6/10: The Precarious Bed (NC-17/Adult) [1496 words]
Chapter 7/10: Something Simple (NC-17/Adult) [1149 words]

( Chapter 8/10: Choke and Throttle (PG-13/Teen) [1189 words] )

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

TITLE: "Bookends, or Six Ways 'Til Sunday"
AUTHOR: campylobacter
CATEGORY/PAIRING: Daniel/Vala
RATING: NC-17/Adult to PG-13/Teen, depending on the chapter
STATUS: complete
SEASON/SPOILERS: post-Continuum
ARCHIVE: Permission granted; drop me a URL if, for some reason, you aren't afraid to archive it -- I'll link to it from my blog.
GENRE: humor; romance: het, first time
WARNING: Implied bisexuality; language: f-bombs, the c-word... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Don't act like you're hurt and wank at me.
SERIES: none
WORD COUNT: 13,182

DISCLAIMER: Stargate: SG-1 characters belong to MGM; any others are fictitious scenery and resemble your mom.

SUMMARY/SYNOPSIS/PREMISE: After an unexpected guest drops by, Daniel's apartment is never the same again. (The Home Crasher Trope meets archaeo-linguistics and pirate-goddess sexual mayhem, in that point of character development after Continuum.) Only enough plot to sustain the slap-slap-kiss porn.

Previous Chapter 1/10: The Front Door Rattles (PG-13/Teen) [1137 words]

( Chapter 2/10: You're Trashing My Place (PG-13/Teen) [1181 words] )

TITLE: "Bookends, or Six Ways 'Til Sunday"
AUTHOR: campylobacter
CATEGORY/PAIRING: Daniel/Vala
RATING: NC-17/Adult to PG-13/Teen, depending on the chapter
STATUS: complete
SEASON/SPOILERS: post-Continuum
ARCHIVE: Permission granted; drop me a URL if, for some reason, you aren't afraid to archive it -- I'll link to it from my blog.
GENRE: humor; romance: het, first time
WARNING: Implied bisexuality; language: f-bombs, the c-word... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Don't act like you're hurt and wank at me.
SERIES: none
WORD COUNT: 13,182

DISCLAIMER: Stargate: SG-1 characters belong to MGM; any others are fictitious scenery and resemble your mom.

SUMMARY/SYNOPSIS/PREMISE: After an unexpected guest drops by, Daniel's apartment is never the same again. (The Home Crasher Trope meets archaeo-linguistics and pirate-goddess sexual mayhem, in that point of character development after Continuum.) Only enough plot to sustain the slap-slap-kiss porn.

( Chapter 1/10: The Front Door Rattles (PG-13/Teen) [1137 words] )

Next:
Chapter 2/10: You're Trashing My Place (PG-13/Teen) [1181 words]

Following Chapters:
Chapter 3/10: A Point of Resistance (NC-17/Adult) [1109 words]
Chapter 4/10: Two Doorposts Beneath a Lintel (R/Mature) [1220 words]
Chapter 5/10: How She Wears My Name (NC-17/Adult) [1358 words]
Chapter 6/10: The Precarious Bed (NC-17/Adult) [1496 words]
Chapter 7/10: Something Simple (NC-17/Adult) [1149 words]
Chapter 8/10: Choke and Throttle (PG-13/Teen) [1189 words]
Chapter 9/10: Dining on the Spoils (PG-13/Teen) [1306 words]
Chapter 10/10: 100% Down (NC-17/Adult) [2099 words]

Entire "Bookends" story on 1 page at Google Docs

NOTES: Props to my awesome beta-readers magnavox_23 and hummingfly67 for patiently putting up with my glacial prima donna writing process.

I don't so much stand on the shoulders of giants as I grovel in their shadows:

Stow Away (also archived on AllDanielFic)
by Lisa Michelle lmichelle599
"Bookends" was inspired by Lisa Michelle's treasure trove of trope; my favorite aspect of "Stow Away" is how a man with an advanced degree in philology was so distracted, he couldn't finish a crossword puzzle over the weekend. Plus: chicken!

eurydice, after
by synecdochic
synecdochic's virtuosic execution of technobabble as a tactic to delay ejaculation stands as the first (and best) use of linguistics jargon in 'Gate fanfic. This angsty, porny tour-de-force unequivocally captures character while describing a rather startling sexual practice.

I've been working relentlessly on a 10-chapter PWP ("Bookends") written in Daniel's PoV, but the deadline for the other story I'm writing for the dv_exchange is coming up fast: 20 December.

So I start working on my DV Exchange draft, because I know I'm a slow writer, and I breeze through 1317 words in one hour as if my muse were dictating it straight to me! OMG. The catch? It's written in 3rd person, Vala PoV, past tense. o_0 The DV Exchange story I plan to write is maybe around 3 chapters, 3000 words, with only one smut scene (instead of 6) so I'm about halfway finished!

Yes, it's Daniel's fault, as always, for over-analyzing my poor muse and offering his 2 cents on creative mythology and symbolism when I give him control of the story, but Vala's a joy to work with. I love her.

One of the nice things about feeling a little under the weather and running a low-grade fever is the CRACK FANDOM DREAMING.

Oh yeah, poor me, getting bed rest, having dreams of General Jack O'Neill having his way with me in the middle of the 'Gateroom (why there was a king-sized bed at the base of the ramp, I have no idea) and the looks on the faces of the SFs as we're, um, yeah...

And then there's the one where I'm Vala, cradling an infant, being spooned by Daniel in bed when there's a huge crash in the kitchen because their two other kids are trying to make waffles...

And the one where young Kirk & Spock are necking on the bridge of the Enterprise when they get visited by the older Kirk & Spock from the future, who reassure them that their love will span decades...

And finally, the team from Stargate Atlantis take me out to a BBQ joint and General Landry is sitting all by himself at another table waiting for his order, so we invite him to our table. (And I've only seen like, 2 episodes of SGA.)

Bumming off a temporarily stable, unsecured WiFi node that my neighbor doesn't bother to lock down, I watched episode 7 ("Earth") of Stargate: Universe through Hulu, and I LIKED IT!

BWA!

Granted, there's no sense of Team that you have in SG-1, but I'm used to watching a series where most characters are antagonistic toward each other (X-Files), so I can deal.

I still get confused by all the Harrid-Sallis body switching, because I don't know who all the characters are, but I'm enjoying that the communication stones allow 2-way switching when their activation is synchronized at both ends. How they compensate for the sidereal delay during FTL travel is beyond me, but I guess it's addressed in another episode?

( SPOILERS )

I am so watching this show from the pilot, now. When I can get a good broadband connection.

OK, when do aliens appear? And guns? Explosions? And more Ancient technology?