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26 March 2011 @ 04:14 pm
STARGATE: BOFQ "Searching" for fic  
Too lazy to post these on stargate_search  or sgastoryfinders :

DESPERATELY SEARCHING for that Sam/Jack story where Sam is a virgin when she & Jack you know DO IT for the first time and she cries a lot because she never thought she was worthy of Jack's LUV.

Also in desperate need of that Jack/Daniel story where Vala is a ball-busting bitch and Daniel must assure Jack in the woobiest way possible that nothing will come between them.

I seem to have lost the link to that story where Jennifer Keller gets killed violently so that Rodney & John can finally hook up and prance around Atlantis making goo-goo eyes while groping each other and cooing cutesy nicknames.

Has anyone read that completely unique story of Vala trying to get Daniel to stop translating something so he can take her shopping or watch a Disney movie?

Damn, I can't remember where I saw that Gen story where Classic Team defeats a moustache-twirling Goa'uld, Teal'c says "indeed", Sam spews techno-babble, Daniel saves the day with diplomacy and prevents Jack from blowing shit up. Or maybe that was an episode. :p

[Otherwise known as "the list of fan fiction I don't leave feedback for"]

Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
Current Music: Primus: "Seas of Cheese"
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
sun gladiator ari: (batman) i hate pink damnithariboo on March 26th, 2011 11:34 pm (UTC)
OH THOSE CLASSICS. All my favourites, didn't you know?
campylobacter: Indeedcampylobacter on March 26th, 2011 11:43 pm (UTC)
Ah yes, writing to a tried-and-true formula never fails to please the Stargate audience!
Spiletta42: Jack going madspiletta42 on March 26th, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
I think this sums it up nicely.

ETA: or it would if I could type

Edited at 2011-03-26 11:42 pm (UTC)
campylobacter: LOLcampylobacter on March 26th, 2011 11:48 pm (UTC)
Mmm... reminds me of all those masterpieces of erotica written by teenaged virgins and praised on weepingcock.
Spiletta42: Garak/Bashirspiletta42 on March 26th, 2011 11:56 pm (UTC)
I actually ripped that this morning, because someone was searching for fic where Elim Garak is a virgin. What is the appeal? I do not get it.

Edited at 2011-03-26 11:57 pm (UTC)
campylobacter: wtfcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 12:11 am (UTC)

"Virgin" is not the first thing that pops into my head when I think of Cardassians.
Spiletta42: act natural Sam & Danielspiletta42 on March 27th, 2011 12:17 am (UTC)
Yeah, I sort of stared at it for a minute, and then my brain said, "Hey, this post needs a line of dialog from Newsradio, but by the time I ripped the episode from the DVD, converted the VOB to AVI, ripped the mp3 from the AVI, cut it for size, and uploaded it, I'd chickened out on using it.

So you can imagine my response to your post.
campylobacter: fearcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 12:25 am (UTC)
I love chicken [see username] but well-behaved women rarely make history; posting that MP3 to that comm will probably result in a few Friend requests.
Spiletta42: Buffy & Faithspiletta42 on March 27th, 2011 12:27 am (UTC)
Possibly, but the moment's gone now.

Hey, you aren't by any chance bored and also willing to read Buffyverse femslash are you?
campylobacter: kissed a girlcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 12:29 am (UTC)
My knowledge of BtVS is limited to 5 episodes (I really need to buy the DVDs), but f/f slash HELLZ YEAH BRING IT ON.
Spiletta42: D.E.B.S.spiletta42 on March 27th, 2011 12:30 am (UTC)
I'll PM you.
Spiletta42spiletta42 on March 26th, 2011 11:44 pm (UTC)
Also, um, is Who Framed Roger Rabbit a Disney movie? *cringe*
campylobacter: hmm...campylobacter on March 26th, 2011 11:49 pm (UTC)
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit" is the antithesis of a Disney movie!
Spiletta42: Vala with halospiletta42 on March 26th, 2011 11:51 pm (UTC)
So it's okay that I wrote fic about Vala trying to get Daniel to stop translating something and watch it? In my defense, it's comment fic written for a cliche-themed event, and the prompt was "bunnies."
campylobacter: awesomecampylobacter on March 26th, 2011 11:59 pm (UTC)
DAHLING, crack & satire are obviously exempt and totally OKAY.
sir, echofon is a program, not a device.: [tww] OOOHWEE CHIIIILD~gingasaur on March 26th, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC)
campylobacter: Indeedcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 12:02 am (UTC)

Rosebud/Charles Foster Kane = OTP
sir, echofon is a program, not a device.: [fs] space loversgingasaur on March 27th, 2011 12:11 am (UTC)
4eva and eva omg
lc59lc59 on March 26th, 2011 11:56 pm (UTC)
Okay I get what you're saying...if I start reading anything with those sorts of scenarios I usually click the close button with disgust...
but what exactly prompted this little rant?
campylobacter: Qeteshcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 12:06 am (UTC)
I've been going BACKWARDS through the daniel_vala archives to tag untagged entries, and of course, the fanfic gets worse and worse because authors improve over time. However, I have read stuff written recently that rehashes the same tired D/V scenario, so my tolerance has reached its tipping point.

Also, awesome Samantha Carter -as-virgin trope meta here:
lc59lc59 on March 27th, 2011 12:34 am (UTC)
Well the other thing is a lot of authors of the older stuff were just 'jumping on the bandwagon' so to speak...and Vala in S8 and S9 was only subtly showing her true colours...and a lot of people aren't good at picking up on they were only seeing her on the surface.
Yeah I saw the meta about Sam, that was excellent. Portraying her as a virgin doesn't make any sense.
She was engaged for God's sake and the Jonas character didn't strike me as the type that would go for the whole "staying celibate until they were married" scenario.
campylobacter: waitresscampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 01:03 am (UTC)
I get so tired of fans complaining about Vala "not being consistently written in canon", because in actuality they fail to see her character arc. Being burned alive, watching a Qetesh-worshipper die from an Ori plague, being used as a womb for the Orici, enduring Tomin's failure as a husband, and learning to trust her new SG-1 "family" makes for a gorgeous character development. It boggles me that some fans can't SEE that.

The stories I've seen have no excuse, because I'm only up to December 2007; "Unending" aired 13 March 2007.

PS: Jonas Hanson creeps me out; I hope to gosh Sam didn't give up her v-card to him.

Edited at 2011-03-27 01:07 am (UTC)
lc59lc59 on March 27th, 2011 02:08 am (UTC)
Well you can't deny that the writers really didn't know how to do her justice, if it wasn't for the talent of CB Vala would've never become as layered and complicated as she did.
I've come to the conclusion that there really are people who don't want characters to be three-dimensional...look at all the people who bemoan that by the end of the series Daniel was no longer the floppy-haired, idealistic geek....guess those are the ones still reading the original formulaic Harlequins
I doubt Jonas was Sam's first...more likely to have been someone in high school or while she was in the Academy.
campylobacter: waitresscampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 03:40 am (UTC)
I'd like to have seen more Action!Vala in S10, but I because CB had postnatal hyperthyroidism in S10, a miscarriage scare during AoT, and strict doctor's orders for limited working hours in Continuum, I cut Cooper & Wright a little slack in that regard. Also given that eps 1-17 had already been written when SyFail announced the series cancellation, any further Vala backstory and character development that might've been planned for S11 got 86'd.

What little screentime Vala did get in AoT was nothing short of a miracle; cramming S11 into 88 minutes was pretty intense. It's testament to BW's hubris that he wrote Continuum in anticipation of getting a 3rd (and more) movies greenlit that he could put Vala on the back burner. I assume he thought he'd get to make as many movies as the Star Trek franchise got to make. :P
Fran 'I can eat more cheese than you'franthewndrhrse on March 28th, 2011 08:13 pm (UTC)
Jonas Hanson creeps me out; I hope to gosh Sam didn't give up her v-card to him.

OMG, didn't you see that episode? Cherry Picking? Season .05 episode 4?
campylobacter: sarcasmcampylobacter on March 29th, 2011 12:10 am (UTC)
Argh, no. :( What a bad fangirl am I!

::goes to bittorrent that ep::

That's the one where Daniel's on Abydos pining for Jack and fending off Sha'uri's advances, right?
Fran 'I can eat more cheese than you': dogsprayfranthewndrhrse on March 29th, 2011 02:04 pm (UTC)
That's the one! The one with that scene about Bratak 'disciplining' Teal'c.
campylobacter: LOLcampylobacter on March 29th, 2011 04:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks -- didn't want to mistake it for the one where Catherine Langford writes bad poetry in memory of Ernest Littlefield.
Shakespherical: don't eyeball meoceania on March 27th, 2011 04:04 am (UTC)
Samantha Sue fic? Check Helio2. Bwahahahaha...

Now the question is will any of your flist find you the fics you requested? LOL
campylobacter: HATERZcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 04:15 am (UTC)
Samantha Sue fic? Check Helio2
Been there, sporked that. ;D

So tempted to post the sporking in public. SO TEMPTED.
Cleo the Muse: suspicious odorcleothemuse on March 27th, 2011 05:54 am (UTC)
Better question is, how many of her flist will attempt to crackify more than one of those listed tropes into the same 'fic?

BWAHAHAHA... tempted... sooooooo tempted...
Shakesphericaloceania on March 27th, 2011 05:56 am (UTC)
Pick me pick me! I was thinking a virgin Sam beds Jack, Daniel, and Vala? I could call it the 40 year old virgin.
campylobacter: fearcampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 06:10 am (UTC)
Ooh, or "John & Rodney Make a Porno" starring Sam/Jack/Daniel/Vala on an offworld set where one last Goa'uld reigns.
Cleo the Muse: hmmm...cleothemuse on March 27th, 2011 06:20 am (UTC)
This is right after Keller gets offed in some violent way, right?

And Sam cries after sex, and Daniel and Vala go off together to watch Bambi while Jack comforts her, and Teal'c says 'indeed' a few times.
campylobacter: SNAP!campylobacter on March 27th, 2011 06:32 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, the Wraith drain decades from poor Keller, and then some Replicators turn her into Mecha!Jennifer, and then the Ori burn her to death. Or something.

Sam, of course, will weep for several paragraphs after Jack manfully takes her virginity with an appendage that's obviously larger than Pete's. Daniel buys Vala Hello Kitty pajamas while they have a vintage Disney marathon and share a chaste® kiss under mistletoe.

PS: Of course, Teal'c does nothing but offer occasional sage one-word commentary.

Edited at 2011-03-27 06:34 am (UTC)
Cleo the Muse: smutcleothemuse on March 27th, 2011 06:35 am (UTC)
anna_sg1: 10 & Rose LMAOanna_sg1 on March 28th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
hahahaha, this is perfect. :D Love you guys, and your imagination. ♥
campylobacter: plotbunnycampylobacter on March 27th, 2011 06:14 am (UTC)
anna_sg1: 10 & Rose LMAOanna_sg1 on March 28th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
campylobacter: LOLcampylobacter on March 29th, 2011 02:07 am (UTC)
nerd Daniel
High quality, one hopes. ;D
spacegypsy1spacegypsy1 on March 31st, 2011 01:15 am (UTC)
reading this is totally laugh out loud crack fun. You guys rock.
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )