Nude Skeletons

I want to believe... in the 'Ship

2008-07-30T13:39:28Z

[Extreme Spoilers for X-Files 2 movie]

First, a few Easter Eggs! My spouse and I saw the movie opening night and Saturday night, so I was able to catch more XF in-jokes the 2nd time 'round.

1. Christ Carter was sitting morosely in the hallway after Mulder's car crash scene and before Scully prints out the research on dog heads. He was holding a cinerary urn -- probably in memoriam for Randy Stone, the casting director who found him Anderson and Duchovny. Randy Stone was gay. Not sure what Stone would've thought about all the bad guys in Carter's movie being homosexuals.

2. The contact list in Mulder's mobile phone (we see this before the car crash scene -- please don't phone and drive, people) listed Gilligan (Vince), Scully, and Shiban (John). I didn't catch the entire list because I forgot my glasses, but I'm sure you'll tell me.

3. BEAUTIFUL WASPS HAVING SEX by Dori Carter, next to Scully's side of the bed. If WASP = white Anglo-Saxon Protestant, then Scully's Catholicism and Mulder's murky (possibly Jewish, more likely agnostic) upbringing may be a Unitarian Universalist conspiracy.

4. Stay for the closing credits. Gillian Anderson in a black bikini is SO worth it. I thought I'd die.

5. I kept expecting the 3 nuns at the end of the movie to be Spotsy, Vince, and Shiban in drag. But they weren't. They were just creepy.

I want to believe in the 'Ship, and now I do. Skinner loves Mulder. Tenderly cradling Mulder near the end of the movie, Skinner looked like an angel. I now believe. Everyone in the cinema heard my squeeing, so they will believe, too.

Dumbledore = Gay; Me = not surprised

2007-10-26T23:54:19Z

Hell, I'm waiting for Chris Carter to announce Mulder's bisexuality.

Somewhere on my hard drive is an unfinished fanfic story about Argus Filch, with a brief, incidental BDSM moment involving him, Dumbledore and Snape. The story actually features Mrs. Norris prominently. But no feline BDSM. Yet.

And now for something completely different...

George W. Bush is stalking me. He's visited both my old hometown (Enterprise, Alabama) AND my current hometown (San Diego) in the past 8 months. His excuse? Tornado and wildfire. As if.

The chink in Smaug's armor

2007-07-23T18:17:22Z

I wore a sleeveless shirt to the Pride parade on Saturday, making sure to apply a second coat of sunscreen halfway thru.

Alas, my left arm must not reach as well as my right, because I have a 2-inch wide sunburn on the back of my right shoulder where I missed rubbing sunscreen BOTH times! I am teh lame.

I'm also enjoying reading Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows spoilers on Wikipedia AND my flist's LJ entries.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter_and_the_Deathly_Hallows

A Lesson from Clyde Bruckman

2007-04-19T16:10:41Z

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,21587991-661,00.html
From the Herald Sun in Australia, on the Virginia Tech massacre and the killer's post-mortem media package:

"...Cho's seething profanity and rantings provided little explanation of a motive behind his attacks."

Little explanation of a motive??!!!!!! What reason do you need to be shown?

In the immortal writing of Saint Darin Morgan, author of The X-Files scripture "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose":

"Don't you get it? You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac!"

One does not simply * into Mordor.

2007-03-15T08:18:55Z

It's late, I've been re-reading LOTR and The Silmarillion, and I like cats. So sue me.

One Does Not Simply Tank Cat Into Mordor

Bring it on, bitch.

2007-03-10T04:06:34Z

I'm not sure what possessed me to click on this one message out of dozens in my SPAM box before emptying it. This poor assassin must have been hired by someone who read my fan fiction.

Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2007 15:56:36 -0800 (PST)
From: Slain Slain (worshipper_s@yahoo.com)
Subject: Listen Very well.
To: worshipper_s@yahoo.com

I Want you to read this message very carefully, and keep the secret with you till further notice, You have no need of knowing who i am, where am from,till i make out a space for us to see, i have being paid $50, 000.00 in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by my employer,its one i believe you call a friend,i have followed you closely for one week and tree days now and have seen that you are innocent of the accusetion,Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them, because if you do i will know, and might be pushed to do what i have being paid to do,beside this the first time i turned out to be a betrayer in my job.

Now listen,i will arrange for us to see face to face but before that i need the amount of $80,000.00,you have nothing to be afraid of,i will come to your office or home, so determine when you wish we meet,do not set any camera to cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation,my employer is in my control now,$20, 000.00 will be paid to the account i will provide for you,after our conversation,i will give you the tape that contains his request for me to terminate you, which will be enough evidence for you to take him to court(if you wish to), then the balance will be paid.

You don't need my phone contact for now till am assured you are ready to comply good.
NOTE: feel free to ask my any questions concering your Family

Lucky You.

I'm so tempted to reply, but I'm sure that Yahoo account has been cancelled by now.

a tornado ate my home town

2007-03-05T18:40:48Z

Even a pathogen such as I came from somewhere, or what's left of it.

I'm 2000 miles away from my home town, and I had to weed through noise about Britney's rehab or Anna Nicole's probate to find out the day after it happened. The local newspapers with the most immediate news don't have RSS feeds, which is my preferred choice for receiving current event news.

Enterprise [Alabama] Tornado News (aggregated feeds set up by one of my friends)
http://pipes.yahoo.com/pipes/GlFigXTI2xGFp4rKJZhxuA/

My folks are fine. My high school alma mater and many old stomping grounds, however, are not. Although I don't know any of the 9 people who died, I'm connected through their friends and kin.

Damn the meritocracy! Full speed ahead!

2007-03-05T18:11:13Z

So you want to counter what you perceive as liberal-biased Wikipedia with a conservative-biased Conservapedia, fine. Whatever! Go for it!

But to call Conservapedia UNbiased? ARE YOU OXYMORONICALLY RETARDED?

Wikipedia foes set up 'right site'
http://www.theage.com.au/news/web/wikipedia-foes-set-up-right-site/2007/03/02/1172868789933.html

Toddler in Champagne Stupor

2007-01-30T04:02:06Z

"Mulder and Scully had a private party while their son was already asleep in his toddler bed. He looked at the empty champagne bottle while looking at his beloved wife and life long partner."

I give you ONE guess as to who wrote this. For what it's worth, I always hit the Recommend link several dozen times just to boost her ego.

Writer's Guide to "LOST" teleplays

2007-01-27T20:26:01Z

Writer's Guide to "LOST" teleplays

HINT: ALWAYS CHOOSE CHOICE D

1. Situation between characters requires:
a.) rational discussion
b.) compromise
c.) concession
d.) strife

2. Situation requires:
a.) relaying a message
b.) breaking bad news
c.) warning the community
d.) keeping a secret

3. Community effort requires:
a.) cooperation
b.) celebration
c.) sharing
d.) excommunication

4. Personal situation requires:
a.) seeking comfort
b.) confiding a problem
c.) displaying poise
d.) isolation

5. Leadership situation requires:
a.) delegating work
b.) consulting experts
c.) taking a vote
d.) taking a potentially fatal risk

I got through the Season 1 DVDs and half of Season 2. It's monotonous. I'm over it. I just don't care anymore.

Next?

The spammer next door

2006-10-03T03:26:44Z

My LJ allows anonymous comments, but lately, it's been abused by comment spam.

Makes me wonder if I know spammers in the meat world. I mean, have I waited at a traffic light with a spammer in the next car?

Have I browsed the computer book section and said "pardon me" to a spammer as I'm reaching for a Peachpit book?

Have I bumped into a spammer as I'm scanning the Ethernet connectors at Fry's?

What do spammers look like? Are they rich? Poor? Nerdy? Male? Female? Foreign? Domestic?

Is there some sort of spammer profiling I can do the next time I'm out and about so that I can kick the ass of the next spammer I encounter?

Send me SPAM!!!!!!

2006-09-10T20:32:22Z

In a fit of violent altruism (OK, boredom) before dumping my spambox, sometimes I take the time to report the easy ones, especially the "foreign" email scams that want to send me huge Lottery winnings or to help some rich person move millions through my bank account.

These parasites ALWAYS include a valid email in the message body, so that I can contact them to give them my bank's routing numbers. I enjoy reporting these idiots to their webmail providers, and occasionally the sysadmins slip me a thank you note:

WINNING NOTIFICATION
Sun, Sep 10, 2006 at 7:52 AM
FROM: abuse@walla.net.il
TO: camps@likeigiveafuck.com

Dear sir or madam,
Thank you for informing us of this matter.
This account is terminated.
Best Regards,
Guy Oren-Walla Abuse Team

If you'd like to join in the fun, do this:

Select "View header" or "View Source" or "View Original" from your email menu
Select and Copy the entire message with header
Hit FORWARD to open your email composing window and Paste that entire message into your email
Locate the contact email in the message body, for example: spammersname@webmail.com
Type "abuse@webmail.com" -- or whatever the webmail account was, such as Yahoo or Hotmail -- into the address field
Hit SEND

Normally, you never get a thank you note (criminal law legal reasons). But sometimes you do.

It's a little more complicated to report spammers to the ISPs or hosting server where they want you to buy penis enlargement drugs, but I do that sometimes, too.

porn shack back online

2006-08-26T05:56:43Z

campylobacter's X-Files porn shack is now again online:
http://campylobacter.memebot.com/

I was considering not uploading it until I had converted it to a positional CSS - XHTML - RSS combo, but I don't have the time yet. So its rickety, retarded old-skool table-layout HTML with Dreamweaver templates will menace the WWW a little while longer.

I <3 h4x0rz

2006-08-23T16:13:32Z

Wootz. I am SO pwned:

----------------------
To: camps@LikeIGiveAFuck.com
Subject: HACKED!
From: "staff@fanfiction.mugglenet.com"<staff@fanfiction.mugglenet.com>
X-Sender: <staff@fanfiction.mugglenet.com>

LOL UR STUPID ASS SITE WAS PWNT BY MCHACKER!! GRTZ TO ALL AT ZONE-H!! SECURE UR SHIT !!!!!

LOLZ
----------------------

Wow, it's still here.

2006-08-18T21:25:08Z

ping!

Watch out, Canada.

2006-02-23T16:58:20Z

S. Dakota legislature passes abortion ban
http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=newsOne&storyID=2006-02-23T024018Z_01_N22531791_RTRUKOC_0_US-RIGHTS-ABORTION.xml

I forsee an increase in women's clinics along the borders of Canada, Mexico, and "blue" US states if this trend continues throughout the next year.

I have a new hosting server

2006-02-17T03:19:48Z

I changed my ISP from Earthlink to a cheaper dial-up plan, for those of you who were wondering why the Porn Shack has been 404 for four months. I've not only been too lazy to get around to re-uploading the site, but I've been slow in finding the time to develop a pure CSS layout to separate display from content. (Not that the Porn Shack has what you could call "content" by any stretch of the imagination.)

I'm so devastated that the .xxx TLD failed to get approved. I had such wondrous, amazing plans for www.campylobacter.xxx

On the brighter side, I and the spouse have emptied and vacated a storage unit that has wasted $8400 over the last 5 years to store $200 worth of junk that cost $75 to haul to the dump. We also cancelled the delivery of bottled water to our home (those of you who have tasted SoCal tap water will understand). We now get decent drinking water from those pay-per-gallon dispenser filter units.

All that money we're not paying for storage, water delivery, and DSL will now help to offset the increase in our rent. We live in the real estate suckfest that is Southern California. We'd move to Canada if we had equity in anything.

I had a friend in Metairie, Louisiana.

2005-09-01T18:54:53Z

Metairie, Louisiana lies at the south end of the Lake Pontchartrain (former) bridge.

My friend has 3 German shepherds and an adorable little house. He operates the website
http://www.Silly-Monkey.com/

I hope to hear from him the next time he checks his email. I feel certain he's OK. But I have no way of knowing until he gets back in touch.

Hurricanes suck.

Results for my dorky Harry Potter IQ Quiz

2005-08-17T21:18:45Z

Here are the results so far for my dorky Harry Potter IQ Quiz
http://tinyurl.com/anyd3

JK Rowling's Editor
40 times, 50%

JKR Fanboy/Fangirl
12 times, 15%

JK Rowling
28 times, 35%

What's Your Half-Blood Prince IQ?

2005-08-14T03:04:15Z

What's Your Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince intelligence quotient?
http://quizilla.com/users/campylobacter/quizzes/What's%20Your%20Half-Blood%20Prince%20IQ%3F/

This is NOT a trivia quiz.

Edited to Add:

A better URL for LJ:
http://tinyurl.com/anyd3

I forgot how crappy dialup is!

2005-08-02T00:55:26Z

I had to scuttle my DSL. I suppose I could've demanded that Earthlink send a tech to check for a defect in the lines, but I just don't have the time off to do that. So I'm paying the reduced rate for dialup, which is financially much more pleasant.

What's unpleasant is trying to load a webpage with a shitload of bells and whistles, only to get a system freeze when my pipe ain't fat enough. Reboot!

Therefore, I PROMISE, with all my heart, to NEVER EVER design a webpage that will crash someone's computer because my code is junky, or the graphics suck more megabytes than Paris Hilton, or some absolute URI is calling a buggy remote file.

I only wish the corporate web geeks out there would promise the same.

Evil Spoilers for Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince

2005-07-19T00:41:44Z

I haven't read the book (namely because I wait to buy it used) but I have read spoilers for it.

So I tell my co-worker (who's been flaunting her copy to the entire office) stuff like this:

1. Harry gets Ginny pregnant.

2. Ron gives Hermione the clap.

3. While Snape and Dumbledore are enjoying a little nude bondage & domination, Dumbledore begs Snape to spank him with a mace and, um, there's an accident and Dumbledore dies.

4. Tonks & Remus open a gay bar together.

5. Crookshanks is the Half-Blood Prince.

6. Hagrid gives birth to Malfoy's love-child.

My computer is sick.

2005-07-13T02:10:14Z

Here's the long, stupid story:

I decide to switch DSL ISPs from SBCYahoo to Earthlink.

I receive a new DSL modem (as if I need a new one) and connect it, but can't access anything on the Internet. I call Earthlink tech support. After 40 minutes of redundant software configuration, reboots, port checks, and re-plugging, the tech asks about the lights on the modem.

Neither the DSL nor the Activity lights are lit, nor have they ever been lit. So it's a hardware problem. The tech asks me to do some useless phone line reconnection, which of course ends the call. I'm too wiped out from crawling around on the floor behind the furniture, messing with dusty electronic spaghetti to call back.

Next evening:

I hook up my old DSL modem and reset the configs, but still no 'Net. I attempt dialup (for the hell of it) with the internal v.90 modem and dailup configs. No 'Net. I redo the DSL modem setup. I call SBCYahoo tech support, because I haven't cancelled them yet.

I mention the unlit lights. Is there an outage?

The tech (who sounds like the exact same tech for Earthlink) pings my modem and says that there's no signal, and that there's therefore an outage. "Engineers are working on it right now."

The next two days, still no 'Net, no lit lights, no nuthin'.

THEN I MAKE THE GRAVE ERROR OF INSTALLING AN "INTERNET WIZARD" FROM THE EARTHLINK CD-ROM.

It tries to connect to the 'Net via dialup while I have the DSL modem system active, and the computer freezes . Upon reboot, I get "System bus error -10". I have to restart without Extensions.

I've run Disk First Aid.

I've rebuilt my directories with Disk Warrior.

I still get the same error message at startup.

I can't afford to buy a new computer. I can't afford NOT to have a computer.

I'm staying after-hours at work to go online to check my email.

Does anyone have a used OS X Mac for sale?

Dana/Bill Scully

2005-07-04T01:27:08Z

Gack!

I had a dream last night:

Agent Dana Scully, wearing her beige trenchcoat and FBI business clothes, meets her BROTHER Bill Scully in a post office, in the post office box section, for a sexual tryst.

I think I need a margarita. Mixed with Valium.

campy gets medieval on your shitty grammar

2005-06-14T02:06:15Z

He ate Eugene's liver.

I ate Eugene's liver.

He and I ate Eugene's liver.

Eugene gave the liver to him.

Eugene gave the liver to me.

Eugene gave the liver to me and him.

(So far, so good.)

"Eugene gave the liver to he and I"?

"Eugene gave the liver to I"?

"Eugene gave the liver to he"?

I WILL EAT YOUR LIVER IF YOU THINK THAT'S CORRECT.